Summary
- A lot of times we look to our past and see what was lacking in our childhood to determine how we will parent.
- Focusing on what we lack is a scarcity mindset that is part of our evolution but is not useful today with our abundance.
- Abundance mindset – looking at what we already have and building on that – will feel better and get you through the marathon of parenting.
- Creating an abundance mindset starts with the first step of looking at your existing traits and acknowledging (without judgement) how that will serve you in raising another human being.
When I became a parent all I could think of was how I was not equipped to raise another human being. And my childhood was not the reference point I wanted.
I didn’t know what to do, here I was pregnant having my baby while living abroad. So, I did what I always do, I bought a bunch of parenting/self-help books.
While those books helped in certain situations I was still missing something along this parenting journey. And it was something I needed back then and what I want today and in the future.
It’s abundance.
I remember that I kept showing up to my therapy sessions saying “I’ve got a lot of work to do before this baby comes”. Let’s sort out my childhood out so I don’t mess up a human.
The script running through my head was: “I’ve got a lot to work on”
It’s what lead me to buy so many books and then feel overwhelmed by all the information. It’s what lead me to feel like I wasn’t enough, as a human and a new mama.
It’s scarcity wrapped up in a well intentioned thought that seems motivational and self-aware. But really it was poison.
It didn’t occur to me that I’ve got a lot to work with. That I have a lot of skills – developed through various life experiences (including my childhood) that equipped well for this journey.
Of course, it’s hard to see. Our brains don’t have a natural mindset of abundance. It naturally leans towards scarcity. Evolutionary when we were hunting and gathering our food, a scarcity mindset was necessary.
Today, most of us live with abundance. And shifting our mindset to match what we actually have takes a bit of practice. (Don’t worry, the scarcity mindset is still there if it’s needed in survival situations).
When we develop the abundance mindset we feel better and navigate parenting in the way we intend to.
In parenting, utilising an abundance mindset will get you through the next 18 years and beyond. Plus you’ll feel a lot better and there’s no better way to parent than when you feel good, calm and worthy (as opposed to frustrated, guilty and anxious).
Creating an abundance mindset can be created with this first simple step.
First step to an Abundant Parenting Mindset
List a few skills, qualities or traits you currently possess, if you can only come up with one, that’s ok.
Here are a list of mine and my partner’s: analytical skills, sense of humour, extroverted, introverted, listening skills, patience, active, thoughtful, detail oriented.
Now, usually when we do this our brain will look at how terrible these qualities are. No quality is good or bad.
For example, persistence can be good when looking for a job but when it comes to somebody saying “No” to you hugging or kissing them, then persistence is not an admirable quality in that moment.
Drop the judgement of the qualities (as much as you can).
Pick one and see how that can be useful in parenting.
I’ve listed them out for the ones of me and my partner from above
analytical skills: think through a problem logically to help determine a solution (hello, problems from school and peers)
sense of humour: how many times can a kid say the word: poop. You need a sense of humour for that.
extroverted: mingling with other parents, showing your kids how to have social intelligence in conversations
introverted: show your kids introspection and down time help to rejuvenate us
listening skills: demonstrating social intelligence and how to connect with people
patience: it’s possible to wait your turn, it’s possible to wait in line, it’s possible to wait for that urge to pass for that craving of sugar
active: jumping into activities with your kids, playing together
thoughtful: showing them emotional intelligence, empathy
detail-oriented: how to work through a problem and understand it so you can find the appropriate solution (hello, homework!)
We all have something to build on. Every one of us, no matter what childhood you had, no matter what. You’ve got a lot to work with.
Tara Ramachandra 