Hi! I’m Tara.
I wanted to break the cycle of yelling.
Here’s what I learned and what worked for me.
What is the cycle?
I toggled between 2 negative emotions (anger and guilt). I didn’t know how to effectively manage my anger/frustration so I used guilt or shame to help me manage it.
Eventually I ended up frustrated again and then yelling again.
Here’s what I learned about the emotion of Anger through books by Harriet Lerner and Guilt/Shame by Brené Brown. I put my learnings of the cycle into the below diagram:
Where to start?
I started with the guilt/shame. It seemed counter-intuitive but as I read the aforementioned books and researched emotions – guilt was step one.
Dealing with guilt first does 2 things:
- makes breaking the cycle simpler and permanent
- gets at the root cause of the anger/frustration
When I was in guilt I could only focus of how terrible I was behaving and effecting my relationships. It wasn’t opening up my mind to other solutions other than yelling and why I was frustrated in the first place (the cause of the yelling).
What worked for me?
After dealing with the guilt I started to examine my anger and frustration. I read and studied material from experts on emotions like Paul Ekman, Daniel Goleman, Brené Brown, Harriet Lerner and many others.
I put together my journey into 4 steps that simplify the process of breaking the cycle. For good. You’re welcome to check it out!
4 Simple Steps to Stop Yelling
The next step is simple and free!
Get the simple 4 step plan for How to Stop Yelling (no breathing exercises).