When I tell someone this, the most common reaction is to prove it wrong.
“But what about in this situation…”
Whatever the situation, no one ever comes to an agreement on the definition of a bad parent. But for fun, let’s put out the common ones.
A bad parent = beating, neglecting, manipulating, punishing, spoiling, abusing…
The list, of course, could go on and never stop. So, what’s the point?
Exactly. Maybe the more important question to ask ourselves is:
Why do we believe bad parents exist?
I used to believe this would guide me in how I wanted to show up in my parenting. Sort of like religion or pillars or mottos – they serve a guiding purpose to navigate us.
The “bad parent” definition only reminds us of what not to do, not what we want to do.
Let’s face it, that’s not much help on this long journey of parenting.
But when we get down to it at a very personal level it doesn’t help us to think of ourselves as a bad parent. It may seem like it will guide us, put us back on track (in case we slip up) but what really ends up happening is we:
- search for other ways in which we fail
- compare ourselves to others
- don’t take care of ourselves (emotionally or physically)
- judge ourselves
- blame or control or judge others
And the result of all of that is more proof that we’re a bad parent. “Yup, see, told ya, bad parent.”
There’s no upside in thinking that you (or someone else) is a bad parent.
It doesn’t help guide our parenting and it doesn’t feel very good to think it.
So back to: What if there was no such thing?
Then, you could let go of the judgement, the comparison, the blaming. You could let go of all of it so you could make room for compassion, love, and acceptance. All the things you most likely want to navigate your parenting.
Want to feel better and more confident in your parent, try out a free 45 minute mini coaching session and see how 45 minutes can change your how you parent.
~Tara
Tara Ramachandra 