Tara Rama

How to Tackle Both Critics

Summary

1. Two ways to look at both the outside critic and our inner critic (negative self talk).
2. The outside critic is messaging that comes through the media at a macro level; there is also the messaging at the micro level (family, friends, colleagues).
   • Concentrated messaged is often from the micro level.
3. Our inner voice often comes from the outside critic, from the messaging we received in our upbringing.
   • We reinforce that messaging through our inner critic.
4. We can question some of the way we’re talking to ourself.
   • “It’s cultural; this is what you’re supposed to do.” (we never question phrases that seem true).
5. We often believe the outside critic because it resembles our inner critic.
   • The critic is an opinion that we don’t ‘have to’ believe. We can see that it’s someone else’s perception without taking it into how we talk to ourselves.
6. If we have a severe inner critic, we know we have one when it takes a while to move through emotions (‘bounce back’).
   • How long does it take after you receive criticism to recover?
7. The way you can work on the inner critic is to make it an outside perspective:
   • Write out thoughts daily to become aware. (it may take a bit to reveal some of the thoughts around inner critic).
   • Change the “I” statements to “you”. (Example “I’m a terrible person” to “You’re a terrible person”)
   • Get really precise about the self-talk; “I’m a terrible person” – what does that mean?
8. Getting precise about the definition you have for yourself – the terrible stuff and what you’re good at.
   • The precision will give you some insight into the outside messaging and from there you can question it.

Photo by Markus Winkler on Unsplash