Hi there! I’m Tara.
Here’s some info on breaking the cycle…
What is the cycle?
I toggled between 2 negative emotions (anger and guilt). I didn’t know how to effectively manage my anger/frustration so I used guilt or shame to help me manage it.
Eventually I ended up frustrated again and then yelling again.
Here’s what I learned about the emotion of Anger through books by Harriet Lerner and Guilt/Shame by Brené Brown. I put my learnings of the cycle into the below diagram:
Where to start?
The guilt. It seems counter-intuitive but as I researched emotions – guilt was step one.
Dealing with guilt first did 2 things:
- made breaking the cycle simpler and permanent
- got at the root cause of the anger/frustration
Guilt had me focused on what I did “wrong”, not what was causing my habitual frustration and opening me up to solutions other than yelling.